Want the Best Self-Help Advice? Overcome Your Ego

Our ego in its current form

​For most, life exists as a sum of experience. We wake up, go through our routine of the day, reach home, and sleep. The next day, we arise and repeat it all over again.

We often lack a certain intentionality in our lives while drooling over small, temporary, quick-hitting comforts.

If something should go awry in our reality, we usually meet the disturbance with strong resistance. After wrestling with resisting long enough, we sink right back into our computer-like, pre-programmed habits. Once again, finding safety and comfort in the status quo. 

While in a cautious place of avoidance coping, life is happening to us. The days go by. Time goes on. Yet we never feel completely satisfied with whatever we’ve done or wherever we are. Instead of peace, the relentless onslaught of misfortune haunts us like an agonizing nightmare.

For many, this lack of purpose, meaning, and power creates an object. An object whose emotional roller coaster satisfies the craving for excitement while minimizing any discomfort or harm. An object that encourages you to attach to the next best self-help advice while simultaneously putting you down with it's negative comments.

We call this object an ego.

Unfortunately for us, this manufactured roller coaster is not an enjoyable ride. It creates a cycle of harmful, self-hating, and cruel thoughts. We get stuck in an insane darkness.

While in this darkness, our ego motivates us to focus on ourselves. We leave for our day, what we ate for breakfast, the clothes we are wearing, the friends we have/don’t have, the encounters with others that annoy/amuse/please us, etc. It's all about us.

On exceptional occasions, we think of other people and act in service. This connection and love for others warms our spirit. But as soon as the focus on connection ends, we quickly return to thinking about the wonderful impression left in our hearts. Lovely, respectable service to others becomes a badge of self-righteousness. A moral high ground we can judge other, less caring people.

We can’t get out of it. We think about me, me, me all day long. It’s insane. It’s chaotic, and it’s exactly what we’ve learned to be (for now).

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Separation is our existence and our suffering

In a world where separation is our existence, it is understandable why our minds have adapted to looking after ourselves. We exist as individuals, free to do and think about what we wish. People outside of us feel less real and less important.

Consider this. The plight of a starving child in Africa remains invisible to us until we consciously consider their situation. Prior, they were nonexistent in our world. Only when the starving child enters our thought bubble is when we experience sympathy or hope for a different world.

Even though they have entered our reality; we hold the belief the child’s suffering has no impact on us. Heartbreakingly brutal and unjust, of course. We are utterly grateful not to be in their shoes, but we still see them as them.

This is exactly the veil of separation, and it is exactly why, as humans, we have an ego.

Our ego developed to survive. It does not prioritize connection with others unless that connection is necessary for continuation. It takes a me over we approach to life. And it has done an amazing job learning to persist over millions of years.​

Imagine, for a moment, being part of the original group of hominoids. It wouldn’t take us much time to realize when we starve, we die. So instead of unifying for the good of all, some egos decided, “I will reap what I sew. And if you die, that means more food for me. I survive! Hooray for me!”

While the ego operates itself as separate from others, our soul has an infinite connection to all. And through this connection, our separate thought bubbles intertwine like a finely knitted quilt.

At the soul level, we are in loving harmony with one another. We cherish agreement over estrangement. Peace over war.

Learning to understand this difference is the best self-help advice one can receive. We learn to experience life to the fullest in unity and connection with each other. We master transcending our ego.

But the disparity between our ego and souls’ intentions creates fertile ground for separation. Separation brings suffering, and our ego learns to get by through many coping mechanisms.

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Growing to cope

Our ego and soul have opposite goals. The ego’s mission is to survive one life. The soul must endure eternal life.

In the ego’s quest to survive and place itself ahead of every other entity, our entire being suffers. In choosing separation over togetherness, our sub-layers of consciousness twist and convolve in queasiness. Our ego high-fives itself, surviving another day. While our precious soul sobs.

As we experience this, our egos choose to bury pains deep down inside. This is our ego’s way of protecting us from miserable emotions. Tough feelings, like being inadequate and valueless, are too difficult for us to handle. So instead, the ego distracts us.

Our ego diverts our attention in different nefarious ways: drugs, sex, hate, discrimination, jealousy, judgment, fatigue, nausea, competitiveness, compulsiveness, obsessiveness, and anxiety, to name a few.

The ego is always vigilant and on high alert. To operate effectively, it must deter our unwelcome feelings lightning fast before bubbling to the surface. Because of this incredible processing speed, most of us believe we are our ego.

Michael Singer discusses this in “The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself,” where he writes, "There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind — you are the one who hears it."

This mistaken identity between our ego and soul occurs until life experience forces a change in perception. These forced changes in perception often come from emotionally gripping and arduous life circumstances.

Unfortunately, the catalyst for said change is often plummeting to rock bottom. But there is good news. Once the descent into darkness occurs, one starts to separate the true self from the thoughts.

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Mindfulness practice stills the ego

The mindset of, "I’m exasperated with this shit and had enough of it," spurs awakening.

Awakening involves acknowledging one’s thoughts instead of being consumed by them. For continued growth on this path, it is necessary to develop intentional mindfulness practices.

Mindfulness practices are a way to disrupt the ego’s grip on our mind. When we allow our ego to take a break, we access hidden parts of our consciousness. The whirring of senseless mind-chatter ceases long enough to unlock divine guidance from the universe. And the longer we can listen to our true selves, the greater our lives become.

There are plenty of mindfulness practices out there to experiment with. Google, “mindfulness practices,” and you’ll find loads.

On this quest, accept any activity that disrupts the experience of time as a mindfulness practice. Most people awakened or not, practice mindfulness every day.
 
Here are two examples:

1. Zoning out when watching TV. At the exact moment one is in a TV-induced trance, one cannot feel time passing (alas, this is not healthy for soul growth).
2. Our most creative ideas often arise during mundane activities like showering, exercising, or listening to chill music.

When involved in any monotonous, known task, the ego feels safe enough to take a rest. When the ego takes a rest, we clearly hear our inner guidance. Inner guidance is the place where creativity is born.
 
No matter the sort, all mindfulness practices allow us the ability to tune into our higher consciousness and listen to its wisdom. These practices are an essential part of personal and spiritual growth.
 
Practice daily.

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Moving beyond the ego

The tumultuous events spanning millions of years of human existence have amplified our egos. The immense amount of pain and struggle sometimes feels infinite.
 
Know you are not the only one who is in pain and suffering. Most everyone on Earth is suffering every day. With this pain, it causes our collective egos to work overtime to distract us from agony. And in this process the ego masks our true self, our soul, and yields mistaken identity.

As we open our minds to seeing and accepting our thoughts for what they are, our perspective of the world shifts. We no longer rely on transient, pleasing, and external validations. We find greater peace in understanding ourselves and the world. With our fears diminishing, our love flourishes. Our relationship with the world around us grows rapidly. 

As we dive deeper and deeper into ourselves through steady mindfulness practices, we heal the pain we have endured. Compassion for our own pain reminds us of how we are all suffering together. And that communal suffering prompts us to be gentle and empathetic to those who project fewer desirable traits.

Through the elevation of consciousness, our misguided ego integrates with our soul. Allowing our all-knowing and powerful selves to illuminate through the entirety of our being.

Thus, collapsing the slavery of our true selves to our negative thoughts, and ending the mistaken identity crisis.

Seeing your thoughts, versus identifying as your thoughts, is the best self-help advice you can start with. As you overcome the fearful, ego-led obsession to survive, your consciousness will flourish. Your dark clouds of ego-driven thought will transform into luminous, soft, and beautiful clouds of true self. This, my friends, is where true bliss is found.